Day 37 - A kiss for luck and we’re on our way.

There is no access to the internet for patients at the Walker Center.  As I did at that other, inferior rehab, I’ll try to keep notes; I’ll try to catch the story up when I return.  I’m really going to miss this type of writing while I’m gone.  It has been an amazing experience and [...]

Day 36 - Oh my morning’s coming back

The whole world’s waking up
All the city buses swimming past
I’m happy just because
I found out I am really no one
At the Bottom of Everything,  Bright Eyes
That seems to me, at least today, to be the secret to everything.  I am happy.  In a room full of folks in recovery I am just another part of [...]

Day 34 - These things take forever. I especially am slow. -Bright Eyes

Healing from a couple of years of using crystal meth has been really hard on me physically.  I am getting over my second or third cold of the season.  I’m breathing again.  Not being able to write drives me totally insane and there isn’t internet access at the house, busses don’t run on the weekend.  [...]

Day 30 - I’ll tell you what I believe . . .

It’s a Miracle!
    - Bary Manilow
Truely.  I don’t know that I’ve ever been so grateful for thirty days of sobriety ever.  Or that I ever had it so willingly.  There is something qualitatively different about this round of “recovery” that I don’t recognize and it tastes like grace.  I haven’t put together 30 days clean and sober [...]

Day 29 - go on now. go! walk out the door.

Just turn around (you fool!) ’cause you’re not welcome anymore.
I have really reached the end of my frustration tolerance.  Or my level is low.  Something, because yesterday if I hadn’t been able to climb back in bed and shut out the world and slip in to a tiny little coma I would be beating down [...]

Day 27 - because I’m used to relying on intellect, but I try to open up to what I don’t know

so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost
that their loss is no disaster.
from One Art by Elizabeth Bishop
Yesterday I stopped by an [sic] old friend’s house to pick up the worldly goods and the junk [...]

Day 26 - I feel you near me even when we are apart

Just knowing you are in this world
Can warm my heart
Friends for life
Not just a summer or a spring
Amigos para siempre
You know, God has a funny sense of humor.  Funny strange, not funny HaHa.  I got home last night from volunteering and group and NA and there was a package at the house from one of [...]

Day 25 - Theres a pain goes on and on.

I don’t know why, I guess I’ve been avoiding it for some reason but I had meant to write more on the physical aspects of detoxing and recovering from crystal meth use or addiction.  Much of it is pretty unattractive and you know it’s better to look good than to feel good, right?  Whatever.  I [...]

Day 24 - Relax. Let life roll off your backs. Except for death and paying taxes . . .

everything in life is only for now.
For now I’m frustrated. For now I’m insane. For now I’ve permanently damaged my brain. My friends treat me like I’m completely insane, for now.
I doubt the writers of Avenue Q would appreciat me rewriting their music but hey, it’s a hobby.  I’m boarderline completely (did that make sense?) manic [...]

Day 23 Continued - How do I get back there to the place where I fell asleep inside you?

That Third Eye Blind song was his favorite. He had that ‘tick tock rhythm’ and often did a bump for the drop and the hit he was given and then he bumped again and then he bumped again.
I want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life.
I felt I owed [...]