Day 75 - P. S.

I wanted to share this article with you. It’s among the best written and most comprehensive I’ve ever read. During my first battle with crystal meth addiction I lived in Long Beach, CA. Even then, back in ‘92, Long Beach had a bigger crystal meth problem than anywhere I had ever been, [...]

Day 75 - “I could tell by your expression that the pain down in your soul was the same as the one down in mine.

Thats the pain that cuts a straight line down through the heart.
We call it love.
“Origin of Love” from “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” by Stephen Trask
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One of the things I love most about 12 step recovery is that it calls on me to surrender my will and my [...]

Day 74 - Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to loose.

I love this little movie because this dude really tells it like it is. His description of what selling and using crystal meth is like is much like my own experience. He’s the kind of guy I liked to keep around because who’s afraid of the big bad queer, right? Anyway. He’s been to treatment [...]

Day 74 - “Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to loose.”

[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/da-V8V0kSj0" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]
I love this little movie because this dude really tells it like it is. His description of what selling and using crystal meth is like is much like my own experience. He’s the kind of guy I liked to keep around because who’s afraid of the big bad queer, right? [...]

Day 73 - Sometimes I feel like I’ve never been nothing but tired

And I’ll be walking
Till the day I expire
Sometimes I lay down
No more can I do
But then I go on again
Because you ask me to
Up to the Mountain (MLK Song) - Patty Griffin Children Running Through
 
“I saw a documentary on him and that last speech the day before he died in Memphis, the ‘Up to [...]

Day 72 - “woke up cold one tuesday. I’m looking tired. I’m feeling quite sick. I felt like there was something missing in my day-to-day life.” -Paolo Nutini

But to my credit I did go to the clinic yesterday and get some antibiotics. I don’t know the medical term but my sinuses and lungs have been carefully coated with rubber cement. I wish I could say that I’m adjusting well but I’m kind of struggling. I’ve been faking it well. [...]

Day 70 - “And I’m proud today to say I’m his son. When somebody says I hope I get to meet your dad I just smile” -Kieth Urban

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I’m 41 years old and nearly three quarters of my life passed without having one conversation with my father that could be characterized as ‘normal’. That has been one of the greatest pains in my heart. It’s a complicated psycho-social dynamic that has alienated me from my siblings [...]

Day 69 - “if the words don’t come together listen to the melody ’cause my love is in there hiding”

I was looking at my Picassa photo album and came across a picture of a man I really love. Love in the co-dependant way. Dan was the coolest young guy I’d met in a long, long time. He was fresh out of prison, looked like he could kill me, played classical piano, [...]

Day 68 - “I know your image of me is what I hope to be.”

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It has been a long time since I could stand to have my picture taken. I’m feeling better, and more importantly (at least according to Billy Crystal) looking better. Well, they say it pays to advertise and since I’m already advertising exactly what kind of baggage this package [...]

Day 67 - “There are no mistakes, just lessons to be learned.”

When I was writing my last journal entry before I left the Walker Center I wrote a summary of what I’d learned; not just the head knowledge stuff, I have plenty of that, but learned deep in my heart. I want to share them here.
When I’m sincere and I ask for help I will [...]