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    • The 7 Words You Shouldn’t Say
      #1. “This would make a great reality show.” What’s weird is that “Baby Borrowers” is actually pretty cool. Some of these teenagers are horrible people. Horrible. The good news is that their boy or girlfriends get to find out. The absence of cash and prizes certainly brings out a different quality in people. I honestly only [...] <p><a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?a=k8DSNn"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?i=k8DSNn" border="0"></img></a></p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheLastChanceTexaco/~4/325438039" height="1" width="1"/>
    • I Feel So Sleezy
      Remember these? High school gym shorts from the 1980’s. Wow. At the time I thought they were pretty hot, at least on certain guys. You had to have pretty great legs to pul[ this look off, but there were always a couple of guys in gym class who fit the bill. I think the poly-knit [...] <p><a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?a=ItXD9q"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?i=ItXD9q" border="0"></img></a></p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheLastChanceTexaco/~4/322759259" height="1" width="1"/>
    • Who is the Devil?
      I don’t get to see my sister often; usually at family events with our dad. She lives in Alaska with her daughter and husband. She has maintained a close relationship with our dad over the years, and I have only recently restored that relationship. Stephanie and I, the two oldest of four siblings, most closely [...] <p><a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?a=wh0TUi"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?i=wh0TUi" border="0"></img></a></p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheLastChanceTexaco/~4/319828989" height="1" width="1"/>
    • A Perfect Storm - of Inconvenience
      We always talk about recovery as being a program of paradox.  I had never really thought about it before today but I think that addiction is paradox, too.  For 23 years after my first introduction to the solution I persevered in my effort to exhaust every possibility I could think of to control and enjoy [...] <p><a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?a=481CDg"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?i=481CDg" border="0"></img></a></p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheLastChanceTexaco/~4/317104599" height="1" width="1"/>
    • Confessions of a Blue Boy in a Red State
      Today is a good day. Today is the first truly good day I’ve had in quite awhile. I called my new sponsor today.  I’m seeing him tomorrow.  I’m starting the steps over from scratch. I’m doing that because I want to learn how someone with nearly four decades sober, someone who has helped hundreds of people get sober, [...] <p><a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?a=xR8Gtv"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?i=xR8Gtv" border="0"></img></a></p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheLastChanceTexaco/~4/310125012" height="1" width="1"/>
    • If You Lived Here You’d Be Home Now
      In the late 80s and early 90s they were not an uncommon site along the freeways leaving downtown Los Angeles; huge condo projects festooned with banners that read “If you lived here you’d be home now.” When the topic was brought up at a meeting, what are you doing today for your recovery, it’s [...] <p><a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?a=ihbit9"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?i=ihbit9" border="0"></img></a></p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheLastChanceTexaco/~4/308978316" height="1" width="1"/>
  • Archives

This one time, at mormon camp

The place was amazing.  I had such a good time.  My aunt pulled me aside at one point and asked me if it was “too mormon” for me, but, no, it was terrific.  This isn’t my picture but  it is taken from the camp which is backed up right against these mountains and located immediately [...]

Bedeviled

“We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn´t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn´t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn´t seem to be of real help to other people…”
Alcoholics Anonymous
Page 52
Am I done [...]

200% of nothing is nothing

The following quote was in Angry Barcode today:
We tend to give others what we expect from a relationship. When the other person is still not satisfied we are confused and begin to believe that there is nothing more that we can offer. The sad reality is that if more people stopped to consider what the [...]

OK - here goes.

My brother should be pulling up any minute.  We’ll be in Utah 7 hours after that.
My imaginary future ex-husband called last night and was very sweet.  Shit.   Sorry he’d been so busy.  Looking forward to things settling down so we could hang out.   Thing is, I’m not through the steps.  I don’t have [...]

I thought “camp” meant something completely different!

I’ll be out for a couple of days.  I’m  headed to Provo Canyon, Utah to see my family at Aspen Grove (Mormon Camp)!  It should actually be fun.  Besides I’ll only be there one night.  Headed there Saturday morning and flying back Sunday night.  I’m really just going for the family picture; I couldn’t take [...]

From K-YYY in Boise, this is Fresh Air

And I’m breathing it.  So, I just first of all want to say that those of you who said crying is good, that it helps you feel better, are dead wrong.   All I got from crying was a swollen face the next day.  Even so, things are getting easier.  He’s contacted me only when he [...]

Parseltongue

the sick
heavy baggage of denial, delusion
packs to the river to wash away it’s fear
the trick
familiar smells and sighs, confusion
parseltongue endearments say you’re near
and so you are
if somethings here to take
perhaps a heart
to steal, cheat or break
but, broken hearts yet love,
perhaps not you,
but only for love’s sake

pain is not a flower pain is a root

Every day I take a bitter pill that gets me on my way,
for the little aches and pains the ones I have from day to day.
To help me think a little less about the things I miss.
To help me not to wonder how I ended up like this.
Useless Desires
Patty Griffin

Corinne says I’m “thawing out.” Nikki [...]

Why does growing hurt so much?

I managed to keep it all together whenever he was around.  I managed to maintain healthy boundaries.  I managed to take care of myself.  I managed all of these things because I was sober and because I begged God to help me to.  But when it was done, when he stopped over for less than [...]

One more look and I forget everything . . .

Well. . . What can I say?    He’s beautiful.  He seems halfway grounded.  Maybe 3/5.  And I can still feel a twinge of wanting to jump though flaming hoops to get his attention.  Thanks to the detachment I’ve gained in the last couple of weeks, or perhaps the humility, I haven’t had to act [...]