This one time, at mormon camp

The place was amazing.  I had such a good time.  My aunt pulled me aside at one point and asked me if it was “too mormon” for me, but, no, it was terrific.  This isn’t my picture but  it is taken from the camp which is backed up right against these mountains and located immediately [...]

Bedeviled

“We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn´t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn´t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn´t seem to be of real help to other people…”
Alcoholics Anonymous
Page 52
Am I done [...]

200% of nothing is nothing

The following quote was in Angry Barcode today:
We tend to give others what we expect from a relationship. When the other person is still not satisfied we are confused and begin to believe that there is nothing more that we can offer. The sad reality is that if more people stopped to consider what the [...]

OK – here goes.

My brother should be pulling up any minute.  We’ll be in Utah 7 hours after that.
My imaginary future ex-husband called last night and was very sweet.  Shit.   Sorry he’d been so busy.  Looking forward to things settling down so we could hang out.   Thing is, I’m not through the steps.  I don’t have [...]

I thought “camp” meant something completely different!

I’ll be out for a couple of days.  I’m  headed to Provo Canyon, Utah to see my family at Aspen Grove (Mormon Camp)!  It should actually be fun.  Besides I’ll only be there one night.  Headed there Saturday morning and flying back Sunday night.  I’m really just going for the family picture; I couldn’t take [...]

From K-YYY in Boise, this is Fresh Air

And I’m breathing it.  So, I just first of all want to say that those of you who said crying is good, that it helps you feel better, are dead wrong.   All I got from crying was a swollen face the next day.  Even so, things are getting easier.  He’s contacted me only when he [...]

Parseltongue

the sick
heavy baggage of denial, delusion
packs to the river to wash away it’s fear
the trick
familiar smells and sighs, confusion
parseltongue endearments say you’re near
and so you are
if somethings here to take
perhaps a heart
to steal, cheat or break
but, broken hearts yet love,
perhaps not you,
but only for love’s sake

pain is not a flower pain is a root

Every day I take a bitter pill that gets me on my way,
for the little aches and pains the ones I have from day to day.
To help me think a little less about the things I miss.
To help me not to wonder how I ended up like this.
Useless Desires
Patty Griffin

Corinne says I’m “thawing out.” Nikki [...]

Why does growing hurt so much?

I managed to keep it all together whenever he was around.  I managed to maintain healthy boundaries.  I managed to take care of myself.  I managed all of these things because I was sober and because I begged God to help me to.  But when it was done, when he stopped over for less than [...]

One more look and I forget everything . . .

Well. . . What can I say?    He’s beautiful.  He seems halfway grounded.  Maybe 3/5.  And I can still feel a twinge of wanting to jump though flaming hoops to get his attention.  Thanks to the detachment I’ve gained in the last couple of weeks, or perhaps the humility, I haven’t had to act [...]