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    • The 7 Words You Shouldn’t Say
      #1. “This would make a great reality show.” What’s weird is that “Baby Borrowers” is actually pretty cool. Some of these teenagers are horrible people. Horrible. The good news is that their boy or girlfriends get to find out. The absence of cash and prizes certainly brings out a different quality in people. I honestly only [...] <p><a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?a=k8DSNn"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?i=k8DSNn" border="0"></img></a></p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheLastChanceTexaco/~4/325438039" height="1" width="1"/>
    • I Feel So Sleezy
      Remember these? High school gym shorts from the 1980’s. Wow. At the time I thought they were pretty hot, at least on certain guys. You had to have pretty great legs to pul[ this look off, but there were always a couple of guys in gym class who fit the bill. I think the poly-knit [...] <p><a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?a=ItXD9q"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?i=ItXD9q" border="0"></img></a></p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheLastChanceTexaco/~4/322759259" height="1" width="1"/>
    • Who is the Devil?
      I don’t get to see my sister often; usually at family events with our dad. She lives in Alaska with her daughter and husband. She has maintained a close relationship with our dad over the years, and I have only recently restored that relationship. Stephanie and I, the two oldest of four siblings, most closely [...] <p><a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?a=wh0TUi"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?i=wh0TUi" border="0"></img></a></p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheLastChanceTexaco/~4/319828989" height="1" width="1"/>
    • A Perfect Storm - of Inconvenience
      We always talk about recovery as being a program of paradox.  I had never really thought about it before today but I think that addiction is paradox, too.  For 23 years after my first introduction to the solution I persevered in my effort to exhaust every possibility I could think of to control and enjoy [...] <p><a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?a=481CDg"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?i=481CDg" border="0"></img></a></p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheLastChanceTexaco/~4/317104599" height="1" width="1"/>
    • Confessions of a Blue Boy in a Red State
      Today is a good day. Today is the first truly good day I’ve had in quite awhile. I called my new sponsor today.  I’m seeing him tomorrow.  I’m starting the steps over from scratch. I’m doing that because I want to learn how someone with nearly four decades sober, someone who has helped hundreds of people get sober, [...] <p><a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?a=xR8Gtv"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?i=xR8Gtv" border="0"></img></a></p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheLastChanceTexaco/~4/310125012" height="1" width="1"/>
    • If You Lived Here You’d Be Home Now
      In the late 80s and early 90s they were not an uncommon site along the freeways leaving downtown Los Angeles; huge condo projects festooned with banners that read “If you lived here you’d be home now.” When the topic was brought up at a meeting, what are you doing today for your recovery, it’s [...] <p><a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?a=ihbit9"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/TheLastChanceTexaco?i=ihbit9" border="0"></img></a></p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheLastChanceTexaco/~4/308978316" height="1" width="1"/>

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No Guarantees

Posted on September 23, 2007 by Chris

I was asked by a colleague to answer a few questions about coming to that place of willingness, that turning point, to describe the moment I could see myself and my disease clearly. I’ve been concerned about keeping my ego out of the way so that I can offer authentic answers, answers that reflect the [...]

Filed under: Addiction, Faith, Personal Reflections, methed up friends, recovery | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

The Last Chance Texaco

Posted on September 20, 2007 by Chris

Got up this morning, padded to the kitchen, fired up the coffee maker and laid back down to ‘pray’ (that I’d be able to rouse myself when the pot was brewed). When the best part of waking up was ready to breathe life into me I got up and began to grope out the last [...]

Filed under: Willingness | Tagged: | No Comments »

Step Aside Miss Buttercup, It’s time to wrap this mutha up.

Posted on September 20, 2007 by Chris

I think the tale of MethedUp is nearing an end. I’m not that methed up anymore. I’m setting up a new home at The Last Chance Texaco but will keep posting here till the pumps open.
My new email address is OutOfGas @ theLastChanceTexaco.com

Filed under: Milestones | Tagged: , , , , , , | No Comments »

Avant Tard

Posted on September 19, 2007 by Chris

I think I may have described here before that I think of 12 step recovery as Spirituality for Complete Idiots. I may also have said ‘total retards’ but that really isn’t correct, politically or any other way. I’ve had cause recently to rethink the moniker. I can’t recall exactly why but for some reason I [...]

Filed under: Addiction, Personal Reflections, recovery | Tagged: , , | No Comments »

Lexical Semantics

Posted on September 16, 2007 by Chris

Not that it’s relevant or apropos of anything and not that I am particularly well today and not that I’ve done ANYTHING related to doing the work that I talk here so feverishly about doing, BUT -
I was thinking just now on my walk home from a meeting (yes you know who was there) about [...]

Filed under: Anger, Mad About the Boys, Men, Personal Reflections, methed up friends, straight guys | Tagged: , | No Comments »

The Faith that Grows

Posted on September 14, 2007 by Chris

But sometimes, in meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous, the discussion of finding a relationship with a Higher Power that can support and sustain one in the certain low spots that lie ahead, is not only frowned upon, but actively discouraged. As AA has grown, more and more people pass into (and back out of) ‘the rooms’ [...]

Filed under: Anger, Daily Grind, Family & Friends, Gay Community, Personal Reflections, Working With Others, community, recovery | Tagged: , , , | No Comments »

Shifting Focus

Posted on September 5, 2007 by Chris

Yesterday a reader posed some interesting and complex questions that I want to take some time to answer. They all really boiled down to his final question, “Shouldn’t you now start to focus on life after meth?”
The short answer to that is yes. Moreover, I should be focusing on life. Period. I have recently questioned [...]

Filed under: Addiction, Hope, Personal Reflections, Willingness, recovery | Tagged: , | No Comments »

It’s Good to be Sober. It’s Good to be Alive.

Posted on September 3, 2007 by Chris

Neither is really a condition I thought would persist for much longer as recently as last December. I am, quite frankly, astonished; both by how bad things had become and by how much better it’s gotten. If you show up in a 12 step program (like I did) and grab on to it [...]

Filed under: Addiction, Gratitude, Personal Reflections, Working With Others, methed up friends, recovery | Tagged: , , , | No Comments »